I should recap what I covered in the last post but what is the point? I can just sum it up that Meyer is deluded or a liar. All good? Excellent, let’s get cracking and the next section is on the rewards of writing. I am willing to bet it is all about the rabid Twihards licking her boots and telling her that she is just so awesome.
What she is actually saying is that she loves the writing but answering her fans, going on tour to see her fans and editing are just like, so totally hard and she doesn’t like that as she is a REAL AUTHOR and they like to write rather than rub shoulders with the unclean and ignorant masses. Harsh? Maybe but after 100,000 words of recap for ‘Life and Death’ then I just don’t care as I am getting serious “I’m so special, teehee, I don’t want to be adored, tehee” vibe.
She then talks about how the characters talk to her and that’s how she gets the conversation so natural. They don’t talk like normal people, it’s purple and bloated prose for the majority of them and with Jacob it’s purple with some faux-teenage boy talk which makes my eyes bleed. They then laugh about how special they are as no rational person would want to be an AUTHOR!
They are special, goddammit! Worship them!
They then move on to endings and discuss having happy endings in which Meyer just blathers on how it was inevitable and says she couldn’t change anything. The thing is though is that most people like happy endings and there is nothing wrong with that but you want the pain and struggle to make the ending mean something. Look at Disney! They threw Mufasa off a cliff in front of his son, Bambi’s mum got a slug to the heart, Ray died in ‘The Princess and the Frog’ and the toys in ‘Toy Story’ were almost burnt alive after they thought Andy threw them out. They know that to make the ending worth while and for the happiness to mean something then the audience has to be emotionally hurt first to achieve that. Bella whining for a month while the Volturi fart around picking their best robes of evil, about how she is going to die does not count. Not even Irina dying, which no one seems to give a shit about, counts as we didn’t know this person so didn’t care. So yes, Meyer fails.
Blergh, they start talking about ‘New Moon’ and the bit that already has me foaming at the mouth is when she talks about how it was inevitable that Jasper would try and eat Bella. OK, fine, he went batshit over a small paper cut but that means the Cullens are awful as he should not be in school if all it takes is a paper cut to make him go completely crazy and try and eat someone. If anyone thinks about Bella’s bacon blood then I will throw things as I hate her bacon blood. However, what makes no sense is that he goes crazy over a paper cut (they must have wrapped her gift in razor blades) after he was there in the ballet studio when she bleeding like crazy and he was very hungry. I want sense, I really don’t ask for much.
She then blows her own trumpet by saying how clever she is for taking the main character or love interest away. Actually, yes you can. He may not be Harry’s love interest but Ron leaving was a huge blow to him and we saw that. I’m sure there are plenty of romances that have done this, so no Meyer I refuse to applaud you.
I burst out laughing again:
That’s one of the biggest changes in Breaking Dawn, that Edward becomes an optimist.
I’m laughing but confused. Have I read the right book? I’m sure I have. Let’s break it down to the key points in the novel and how Edward reacted. Bullet list time!
1. Bella thinks she is pregnant: Edward sits like a useless rock until he declares that he is going to get the rusty coathanger and a rag soaked in ether.
2. Bella is pregnant with Demonspawn: Edward lays on the ground and eats dirt.
3. Bella is transforming but not moving: Edward stares at her stupidly convinced he fucked up.
4. Volturi coming to kill them: Tells everyone they are going to die and won’t train Bella as she is going to die with him so what’s the point.
Optimist my arse!! He is only optimistic about Bella’s vampire crap only because it allows everyone to be in awe of her and worship her like the Mary Sue she is. Anyway, we are now hitting the good bit: On Criticism!
Oh, well scratch that as that was disappointing. She is basically saying that you can’t please everybody which is fair as you can’t but knowing the full blown tantrum she had when people dared not to like ‘Breaking Dawn’ and she said they weren’t real fans then this doesn’t work. I think judging by when this interview took place that she has no idea how bad criticism can get as her fans haven’t turned on her yet. What I do find brilliant is that it is the readers getting the blame if they don’t like what has happened to the characters in the sequels as they just spent too much time imagining what they want them to be. No, that is not the case and I think I showed that in my previous post of my breakdown of each character. They then whine for a page about how much criticism hurts but I think I yelled enough about this on the last post. I’ll end that section with: GROW UP!!
Next up is ‘Breaking Dawn’, I think I will pour a glass of wine for that cesspit. Shannon Hale goes on about how it is her favourite of the series which makes me instantly view her suspiciously as an AUTHOR. Let’s take away the Demonspawn, it’s so badly written and littered with grammar and spelling mistakes, the characters are OOC, and nothing happens! She says the pregnancy bit is her favourite but it’s just everyone staring at Bella’s fertile womb. Nothing happens and anything that goes wrong is fixed within ten minutes. Oh Bella is dying and starving so let’s give her blood! Oh lookie, Bella looks fine within twenty minutes, phew. There is no tension whatsoever.
They go on about horror, which I guess you could say that the was birth horrifying as this Happy and Fluffy Land so Edward gutting his wife like a fish would be quite surprising. Then Meyer pisses me off.
We live in a time where having a baby is not so much more dangerous than giving blood. I mean it’s horrible, but it’s unlikely that you’re going to die.
Excuse me? Is this woman deluded, as I really think she must be. How dare she sit there and be so flippant when women die every day from complications and many of the times their babies die with them. There are so many things that could go wrong with a pregnancy and for her to sit and shrug just seems so disrespectful when so many of her readers may have experienced traumatic births. Bella may not have had such a hard time if her doctor was not such a dumbarse who kept on her on the sofa with no IV and then carried around bridal style. That birth was clearly an attempt to make Bella look more special and this confirms it. Oh! Look at Bella and how she suffered the most traumatic birth ever so she could be the ultimate Mother Goddess and throw her fertile womb in people’s faces.
She then goes on about how she wanted Bella’s pregnancy to be one a kin to historical ones where you would be likely to die. Again, if Carlisle wasn’t such a dumbarse and gave her an emergency cesarean before the baby started doing the riverdance on her liver then maybe she wouldn’t have needed to be stabbed while conscious. The medical fail really hurts me. She gave everyone lobotomies just so Bella could have her violent birth especially as she is now priding herself on how violent it was. No, it was stupid and hilarious.
She then says that if she had just said that humans and vampires can have babies then people may have liked ‘Breaking Dawn’. She should have had foreshadowing in the actual text but no, I doubt they would have liked it as they hate that damn baby as she is basically Scrappy Do. She is like a locust plague that just consumes every character and does nothing but steal the spotlight. The majority of fans were teenage girls that wanted the romance and not Bella’s amazing spawn. Apart from the first part, the majority of the book was about the spawn and the fans hated that which is not surprising.
She then dares to enrage me again!
Vampires cannot have babies … because vampires aren’t real. [Laughs] And vampires can’t have babies with humans, because humans can’t actually copulate with vampires – because vampires are not real [SH Laughs] It’s a fantasy.
I swear to God, I want to throw a cactus. No, bad Meyer, bad! If you sit there and say that your creations are scientific and are based in the real world then you damn well better have a good explanation for how things happen and work. This woman is a hack, I need to believe that these things exist to be able to enjoy the story. Harry Potter does it’s best to explain why wizards live in secret and explains how they do it which is what is needed if I am going to believe that there is a wizard school in Scotland. Also, she just sounds really bitchy for being called out on the fact that she is nothing but a lazy hack. I am so pissed off now *seethes*.
Meyer then insults me more by saying how adorable it is that people love her books so much and think of them as so real that they actually want explanations for things. That’s it! FUCK THIS!!!
No Meyer, I hate your books and if you are writing in the real world with SCIENTIFIC vampires then you damn well better try and explain your abominations.
Shannon Hale is then stupid by asking if Demonspawn’s bite is venomous, it’s the damn book you love so much. Good Lord, these people are morons! She keeps insulting me as she is now saying Bella so did struggle with her vampire thirst. Meyer, we were reading in her first POV and all she said was “Ouch”, I am not to be convinced that she is not a raging Mary Sue.
Shannon Hale asks why ‘Breaking Dawn’ made Meyer so happy, well she was reading her own wank fantasy and was probably like this when she finished writing:
Yeah. They are now talking about literary inspiration and Meyer has the nerve to compare Bella to Jane Eyre. I really don’t think I need to sit and explain how spineless, selfish, vain, sociopathic and bitchy Bella doesn’t have anything in common with Jane Eyre. I’ll just give myself another hernia.
This part is so much worse than the first as I feel like I’m being punched constantly as she is now banging on about how everyone would have died if they fought the Volturi. Meyer just shows how she is the worst military tactician ever as the Cullens had Captain Planet, Zafrina who could blind you or make you see anything she wanted, Kate who could electrify you, a ton of werewolves and Bella who can turn off abilities. The Volturi didn’t have a chance but Meyer is stupid and lazy so she will keep beating the mental battle until she dies.
Now my Shakespeare knowledge is dying as Meyer says she loves ‘The Merchant of Venice’ due to the happy couples getting happy endings. How this woman passed her English degree is beyond me. That play is seen as highly problematic as Shylock was sick to death of people screwing him over in his job and he is screwed over again by the very white and racist protagonists. He then has to give up everything he owns and forced to give up his Jewish faith to Christianity. Yeah, such a happy and fun ending.
They start wittering and wanking on about how they are AUTHORS who WRITE as they are such special AUTHORS! I’m skipping it as this is killing me and I want this interview to end. Same as the next section as I really don’t think anyone wants to read about Meyer wanking more about she is so successful and how amazing her books are, it’s tedious and horrible.
She then talks about how easy it was to write in the POV of Jacob and Edward which I agree with as they are the same as Bella. The only differences is that Edward is a genocidal maniac who likes to talk constantly and end everything in interrogatives. Oh and wank over the amazing awesome that is Bella. Jacob likes to spout purple prose while inserting teen talk that sounds so beyond fake and stupid. Oh and wank over the amazing awesome that is Bella. Honestly, what teenage boy imagines a teenage girl pregnant with his spawn which such happiness. That’s why it is easier because she cannot write separate characters with their own voices for the life of her.
She then refuses to say if there are any messages in her books, well there are plenty such as sex before marriage makes you a whore (not men of course), you should change yourself for your man and beauty means everything. She says she likes that people take from her books the message to wait for the perfect man as she says women shouldn’t settle for the mean boy. PAHAHAHA!!! That’s what Bella does, oh that is hilarious! If Edward is perfect then I’m an armadillo. I love how she is praising herself again too but also saying how that is so not her message.
SH: On the flip side, if someone comes away thinking that the moral story of New Moon is that there is only one person who’s right for you in the whole world and if they leave you then life is not worth living…
That was damn message in that book!! THE BOOK WENT BLANK FOR FOUR MONTHS!!!
Bella wouldn’t eat, listen to music, read, or watch TV as it was just too painful. She tried to kill herself on multiple occasions and then threw herself back into Edward’s arms the minute he turned up. This is such bullshit!!! Meyer says there is no message but that is crap as it’s literature and there will always be messages in it. Don’t piss on my back and tell me it’s raining!
They both then whine about how it’s the readers fault if they get damaging messages from their books as it’s not like they wanted those messages there. Here is a thing, use your fucking brains and think about you’re writing especially when the main audience is impressionable teenage girls. Jesus Tap Dancing Christ on a Cracker!
I’m summing up the section on Celebrity and Success as it’s just Meyer whining how hard it is to be so loved and adored by fans which makes me fear for my laptop’s life as I may just hurl it out the window if I have to recap that. This is the same as them as wanking over each other about how awesome they are for being AUTHORS and I have truly reached the end of my tether with these self obsessed twits.
Thankfully that is the end of the interview. WOO!!! Next time will be Meyer trying to explain her scientific vampires which I think we know will be hilarious and mind numbingly stupid. At least we are getting onto the main meat of this thing as I don’t think I could take anymore self-congratulating wanking without losing what little sanity I have left. I’m so grabbing wine now. Toodles!