Sorry for the time it has taken to update. There has been so much going on that I haven’t been in the mood to write, especially when it is this tripe. Anyway, enough of my moaning let’s see what Beau is moaning about in Chapter 5 Blood Type. This chapter is so stupid that it hurts but enough stalling, let’s tackle this!

Beau walks into his English class and is all dazed because ZOMG! The Edythe Cullen asked him out to Seattle! At first I preferred it when he said red blotches instead of blushing but he keeps saying it so now so it is just annoying me as it is clearly padding.

Beau is all concerned that McKayla isn’t by his side licking his shoes until he remembers that he did reject her but hopes she gets over this quickly as it inconveniences him. She does start talking to him but he whines that she is excited about the weather for the beach trip as it is not hot enough for him. Does anything please Beau?

WAHHHH!!! 50

 Beau then goes on and on and on about why would THE Edythe Cullen ask him out. That took me a few words, that took Beau two paragraphs. Beau is still a rude arsehole by not listening to his friends and grunting occasionally. I have no idea why these people want to be friends with him? It’s not like they have known him since childhood. He is just a rude newbie who shows them nothing but contempt. *Sigh* We all know why; Beau needs minions to step on to make himself seem great. It’s pathetic to be honest.

Beau then whines because Edythe isn’t at her usual table and now he has lost his appetite because he is a whiney loser. He even contemplates leaving early which is really stupid. Also we know what is going to happen so I don’t care about his internal torment.

WAHHHH!!! 51

 Jeremy mentions that Edythe is sitting alone and staring at Beau. This naturally gets Beau’s attention as that is the only thing that makes him pay attention. Also yes, I can really see the woman stuck in her 1918 middle class mentality would really motion with her finger to call Beau over and then wink. I’m probably being picky but you can’t just switch the genders and expect this to fly when in the guide it is explicitly stated that vampires are stuck in the mentality they were changed in. That’s why Edward is determined to keep Bella a virgin till marriage otherwise she is a whore destined for Hell as that is explained as part of his Edwardian mentality. Edythe, an Edwardian woman would not be winking to a man. I just ask for some continuity and sense.

Beau goes over to her and describes his red blotches again which is really getting on my nerves. We now have the stupid conversation where Edythe likes to be cryptic but is just annoying and Beau getting annoyed. This is meant to be flirting but I don’t see it. This is just pure copy and pasted. Once again though, my previous statement about Edythe still stands strong here. She is being just as cocky as Edward but she is an Edwardian woman!! Would it have been so hard to tweak this conversation to make her a demure Edwardian woman. Do you know I may have bought this if it was later established that she was a working class suffragette who doesn’t give a shit about gender standards of her time as she was fighting for equal rights and chaining herself to railings. Somehow I really doubt this, I am sure that she is still the pampered little princess in a wealthy household that Edward was, so therefore she should act like it. If she was a modern woman then fine, I would accept this but she is not. Things have to change and Meyer may say it’s because she is proving a point about gender but actually she is just showing what a lazy hack she is.

We then have the stupid conversation of superheroes and Meyer has changed Bruce Wayne to Clarke Kent so she must have been told of her mistake. Anyone could be Bruce Wayne if they have enough money but Clarke Kent is of course born with powers. I’m still not impressed as she changed that but not “Thick Sarcasm”. I will never get over this.

This is so dull as it is just copy and pasted as she clearly thought this stupid scene is perfect. Edythe says she is dangerous and Beau thinks that as if she could be dangerous. Probably because she, is, like a woman and stuff and women can’t be dangerous. Pfft!!

The_Bride

Seriously!! I would love to see you fighting her. Also there are plenty of women who are murderers.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 25

Oh for the love of Satan. Look at this:

“Under the doubt, outside the incongruity of the word dangerous applied to her slim and perfect body, I could feel the truth of the foundation. The danger was real, though my logical mind couldn’t make sense of it.”

Where to start?!

  • YES!!! We get it! Edythe is perfect and slim which therefore means Meyer is perfect and slim. Just please stop before I rip my eyeballs from my head and set fire to them.
  • So because she is beautiful means she couldn’t be dangerous. Only ugly man witches can be dangerous.

RUTH ELLIS!!

Ellis

She was the last woman in Britain to be hanged in 1955 and shot her lover five times outside a nightclub. Her execution caused a huge uproar because of her beauty as her executioner Albert Pierrepoint noted in his autobiography that when he hanged an elderly lady for murdering her abusive son in law the week before, not one person turned up to campaign against her execution. Yet, Ruth Ellis had hundreds of people outside her execution and Pierrepoint notes that this was most likely due to her looks. So yes, beautiful women can be dangerous, as Ruth Ellis in her trial openly states that she intended to kill him.

Oh! I can hear Meyer cry. She was scorned and Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. OK, fine.

ELIZABETH BATHORY!!

Elizabeth_Bathory_Portrait

We have to take some of the story with a pinch of salt as the story has been exaggerated over the years but this woman was one of the most blood thirsty killers in history and oh! Happened to be a beautiful woman. *Le Gasp!* She was born in 1560 in Hungary. She became obsessed with youth and beauty even though in her youth she was described as beautiful. As she aged the obsession grew and when she struck a handmaiden and her blood splattered on to her skin Elizabeth Bathory became convinced that the blood of virgin women was the key to eternal youth. From then on she brutally tortured and murdered hundreds of young women just so she could bathe in their blood. She was eventually caught and the young women imprisoned were rescued but due to her position in society she was isolated in her home. The number may be exaggerated but the murders occurred. So no scorned woman taking revenge but a brutal and vain woman.

So yes, women can be beautiful and very dangerous.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 26

 Beau then goes on about how she is not the villain. Pur-lease! I’m sure Elizabeth Bathory would be asking Edythe for murder tips. Beau feels fascinated by this nonsense, I swear to God he would be one of those idiots that likes to pose on dangerous cliffs for the attention.

Edythe then says that she is skipping class but Beau can’t do something as terrible as that and off he runs to class. Everyone is staring at Beau in amazement because ZOMG!! WOW Beau spoke to Edythe!! That is like, totally amazing, yo! I swear this is more examples of Crab People fawning over the specialness of Beau and Edythe.

BOW TO THEM!!!

We now get the stupid arse scene of Ms. Banner stabbing a child to take blood samples to indicate blood type. It is beyond stupid as you can’t just stab a child’s finger (yes, McKayla is a child as she is under eighteen) without consent and permission. You would need notice and permission slips for this sort of class due to many disorders and phobias. They do this for dissection class and that is cutting into a lung not your own finger. It may be only a prick of the finger but this would not be allowed. Meyer has teenaged children so should know this by now. So that means:

YOU HAD TEN YEARS!!! 18

Beau now begins to feel all faint and clammy but don’t you dare think that is because he is weak and not masculine. There are reasons! McKayla helps Beau out of the classroom but he has to comment about how short she is and as if she could support him as she is just a weak woman.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 27

Edythe appears and takes Beau and he feels the need to tell us in his sickened state how shocked he is that the delicate little flower that is Edythe is able to support his great big man weight. Thanks for that Beau.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 27

He then says this stupid arse line about how he can hear her grin. No you can’t as that is impossible and should have been fixed.

YOU HAD TEN YEARS!!! 19

We then must comment on Beau fainting over blood. Oh he isn’t fainting due to being scared. Only women faint over blood. Observe:

““I have a weak vasovagal system.” I muttered “It’s just a neutrally mediated syncope.”” 

Right. OK.  We had none of this shit with Bella, only Beau. First let’s go through the medical implications first. I shall quote this whole section of the causes of having a weak vasovagal system which causes fainting.

Vasovagal syncope occurs when the part of your nervous system that regulates heart rate and blood pressure malfunctions in response to a trigger, such as the sight of blood.

Your heart rate slows, and the blood vessels in your legs widen (dilate.) This allows blood to pool in your legs, which lowers your blood pressure. Combined, the drop in blood pressure and slowed heart rate quickly reduce blood flow to your brain, and you faint.

Sometimes there is no classical vasovagal syncope trigger, but common triggers include: 

  • Standing for long periods of time
  • Heat exposure
  • Seeing blood
  • Having blood drawn
  • Fear of bodily injury

Straining, such as to have a bowel movement

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vasovagal-syncope/symptoms-causes/dxc-20184778

So now that Bella is now a man that means he can’t faint at the sight of blood because he is scared. No, that would make him less of a man so he needs a medical condition to excuse him of his stereotypical female behaviour. I hate these stupid stereotypes. It’s one step away from this:

eek-a-mouse-165

It’s pathetic to be honest as it is insulting to both genders. Only women can be afraid of blood as they are weak and sensitive. They need to stay in the kitchen where they bake cakes surrounded by rainbows and unicorns. Whereas men are pathetic if they find blood faint inducing as they are men and should love fighting, guts and war. Men who find blood disturbing are lesser men and wimps. That is so stupid. I love the show Nip/Tuck (it is so underrated and that makes me sad) and I love the medical scenes as I find them fascinating. I am not a fainting flower on the floor yet my best friend who is a man cannot watch this show. He said he loves the sound of the batshit story lines but could not watch it due to the surgery scenes. Does this mean that he is less of a man? NO!! I just happen to have a very strong stomach and he doesn’t which means nothing when it comes to our genders.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 30 (So gave that three points as my God!)

Apparently we haven’t had enough sexism in this chapter so Meyer is barging in some more. Edythe gets Beau to the nurse’s office while laughing at his weakened state as she is so lovely. Lo and behold, what do we find? Is it a nurse? Pah, yeah right as now the nurse in Twilight is now a man then the title has been changed from nurse to medic.

hades

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 31

Why can’t men be nurses!? My Mum is a nurse and works with many male nurses who are both straight and gay so even that stupid attitude that the only men that are nurses are gay as they are not. I am so sick of this stereotype as it is the attitude that only women can be nurses as they are caring and maternal whereas as men are the doctors as they strong, more intelligent and distant. Once again, this is so offensive to men and women as there is no shame for a man to be a nurse and I am sick of people instantly stereotyping them as gay (many are and that is not the issue) due to the stupid attitude that gay men are more feminine and therefore suited to the female role of nurse. Yet women don’t become doctors because they are too sensitive and not as intelligent. This is so goddamn offensive. People choose to be nurses because they want too and that has nothing to do with their gender and sexuality. I wish this stupid stereotype would die but it clearly hasn’t due to Meyer changing nurse to medic yet fails to fix her awful prose mistakes.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 34

I hate that count so much. We next have the same crap of the MEDIC asking what was wrong and noting that someone always faints in the class. Maybe if you gave the class notice then this would not happen. He then repeats the same crap of how he has a weak vasovagal system and the medic is confused. Wow, I think he may need re-certification as he clearly knows nothing. I asked my Mum when I read that section and she instantly gave me an explanation including symptoms and causes.

We then have the same shit of Edythe demanding that she stays with her delicate, oh sorry MAN flower that is Beau. The next bit was interesting. We go from Edward saying he thought Mike was dragging Bella’s body off to the woods to Edythe thinking that McKayla poisoned Beau.

I find this interesting as poison is the stereotypical and most common way for women to murder. There is truth in the stereotype as women are usually far more calculating when it comes to first degree murder, especially in the Victorian era when arsenic poison was easily misdiagnosed as stomach pains. Look at the likes of Mary Cotton, who murdered most of her husbands and children via poison. Women are far more likely to choose this method. However, it still seems sexist at it is from Meyer.  As if McKayla could drag off Beau’s body to the woods as she is a weak and feeble woman. Also murder by poison would be a very unlikely assumption (I know it is a joke but stay with me) as women usually used poison as they had something to gain from the murder victim. Women very rarely murder for kicks such as sexual serial killers like Ted Bundy. They use poison as they want to create the illusion of long term illness that results in death for financial gain, again look at Mary Cotton. It seems like Meyer thought there was no way a girl could drag a boy to the woods to bury so therefore went for the form of murder most common with women which is poison. Well it is stupid as that line did not need to change and just sounds like another beat of the women are weak drum.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 35

We then get the same crap of Edythe saying that McKayla loathes her and they are about to head off when someone who I don’t care about comes in because the blood class makes them sick. GIVE THEM NOTICE!! This is seriously not hard. McKayla comes out to talk to them and we get this:

“”Thanks so much for your help, Edythe,” she said, her sickly sweet tone a pretty good indication that Edythe was right about the loathing thing.”

It was not like this with Mike. I am starting to think that McKayla is the new Lauren in this twisted tale. She has become the Hell Bitch who is there to provide conflict and fawn over Beau but be insanely possessive and two faced. Mike was never like this.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 36

The next section is pure copy and pasted. McKayla asks if Beau is still going to the beach and makes it clear with her eyeballs that Edythe isn’t invited. I wouldn’t want her there too, she thinks she is better than everyone. Beau says yes and then almost faints again at the idea of gym. Edythe then flirts with a middle age man to get her way so that she and Beau can skip the last lesson. Yeah, I am sure your teacher doesn’t mind you skipping class Edythe when your attendance is shakey enough as it is. I missed a lot of school due to severe bullying so many of my teachers understood that (a lot didn’t) but camping with the family seems unlikely to fly with the school board and government.

We then have the same nonsense of Beau asking Edythe to the beach and she clearly shows how crap she is at blending in when she seizes up at the word La Push. Beau doesn’t think much of it because he is a moron. We then get the lovely scene where Edythe grabs Beau’s jacket and pulls him across the parking lot to her car as he shouldn’t drive. I swear this is a game of sexism bingo:

“I wondered if it was supposed to bother me that she was so much stronger than I was, but I hadn’t been insecure about things like that for a long time. Ever since I outgrew my bullies, I’d been fairly well satisfied. Sure, I’d like to be more coordinated, but it didn’t bother me that I wasn’t good at sports. I didn’t have time for them anyway, and they’d always seemed a little childish. Why get so worked up about a bunch of people chasing a ball around?”

Wow! I am pretty sure you are insecure about her strength as why would you mention it and then go on about how your big bullies left you alone because of how tall and man like you were.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 37

 Now, I am not a sports gal yet due to my crippling clumsiness (dyspraxia) that never stopped me playing sports until my ankle injury. I played Rugby, Korfball and I was the First Quidditch Captain in Kent (I was brutal!). Now, I asked my best friend and he said that Beau sounds like sour grapes. He said that he sounds so patronizing and condescending to those who love sport because he wasn’t good enough to make any teams or do well so he has deemed it childish and beneath him to make himself feel better. Once again, I think Beau is pathetic. My co-ordination is appalling but my Dad taught me Basketball, Baseball and American Football. When I was Year 10 I was took part in Basketball. Our teacher loved for us to pick teams and then joined the best team because of reasons (I was always picked last, shocker!). Due to my childhood, I knew how to play and was able to get the ball from the teacher and score. I was the only one to do that, still picked last after that. That did not stop me and when I went to university I joined those teams because yes my co-ordination is awful but why give up. I may be rubbish, except for Quidditch, but I would never think these games are childish. People love them and there is nothing wrong with that. I feel that is far healthier to love a sport rather than Beau who has no interest in anything. Beau is nothing but Sour-Grapes who resents that he wasn’t picked for the school teams so blames society and his mother.

WAHHHH!!! 52

Oh for the love of Satan!!

“So, this small girl was stronger than I was. A lot. But I was willing to bet she was stronger than everyone else I knew, kids and adults alike. She could take Schwarzenegger in his prime. I couldn’t compare with that, and I didn’t need to. She was special.”

BULLET LISTS!!!

  • I get the impression that as she is stronger than he is which means that she is stronger than everyone to protect his fragile masculinity.
  • Body builders are not strong. They are actually very weak as they work hard to reach the muscle look needed but they are so starved and dehydrated which means that they are actually very weak. An average person could knock over a body builder. Body builder muscle mass does not equal strength.
  • She is so special as she is stronger than you but yet she will have to comfort you in terms of your masculinity as she is stronger than you.
  • As if a human woman could be as strong.

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 38

Blergh, same old of crap of Edythe persuading Beau to drive home with her and that Archie will bring his truck home. Once again, Edythe sounds like a cocky twat which does not suit her time period but I won’t mention it again until it is beyond obvious as I will be beating the same drum throughout this.

They sit in Edythe’s magical Volvo and she plays ‘Clair de Lune’ by Debussy. I am still not impressed as that is one of the most well-known Classical pieces out there. Come to me when you recognise ‘The Humming Chorus’ by Puccini. They bond over how one of the most well-known pieces of Classical Music is their favourite and how they are so special.

Edythe then asks what Beau’s mother is like. It’s the same line but seems worse when he says she is his best friend considering what has been stated in previous chapters. Edythe is shocked that he is seventeen and I agree as he seems about ten. Sadly, it is because Beau is so mature (PAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!). I stopped laughing with this:

Well, someone had to be the adult”

Why wasn’t social services called?!?! I hate Beau so much as he loves to blame his mother for everything boring about him. He is nothing but:

b86799c1cc53bcf79b45c33e7a67e625

We then get the discussion of Phil, where Beau shits on him for being too young for his Mum. Edythe then asks if Renee would like whoever Beau brought home. We then get a lovely new line:

But she’s the adult – on paper at least”

What is wrong with you!?! You clearly have issues Beau and I hate you. We then have the same crap of Edythe saying her parents died when she was young but the Cullen’s are the bomb! She asks if Beau cannot fall in the sea and then drives off. Thank God for that!! We finally reach the end of this awful chapter!

Next up is where we meet Lady Jacob and we actually see some true sexual chemistry.

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