When we last left off we saw how allergic Meyer is to research. We have similar crap in this chapter but we are so close to the finish so that is a reason to celebrate. Off we go!

First off is to discuss is the name Carine. What is frustrating though is that I can’t find anything about this name except that it is French origin. I must admit that I doubt a Church of England vicar (I refuses to use pastor) who lived during some of the most heated religious persecution era’s would choose an obviously French name when England and France have been at each other’s throats for decades and France was a Catholic country at this point. I think Meyer picked it as she thinks France is the land of class and she thinks her vampires are classiest things to walk this earth. I just don’t think it fits, it may mean pure and kind which Meyer would want for Lady Carlisle as she thinks he/she are those things but it just doesn’t fit for the era. She should have gone for Catherine as that begins with a C but is a very common name for those times, after all Henry VIII had three wives named Catherine/Katherine.

Anyway, they walk into her office and ask Carine if she can carry on her dramatic tale of stupid. Edythe manhandles Beau around the room for some strange reason and they stare at some paintings. Carine has no time for story time or character building as she just tells Edythe to tell her personal story as she needs to go to the hospital. I still have no idea why Carine doesn’t have a London accent as they are stuck in a sense so surely she is just putting on the American accent. Oh, I don’t even know why I try and make sense of this crap.

Beau whines that they are speaking at a normal volume just for him as his human’s ears suck. They then carry on with our little story and Edythe has to go on how awesome Carine is as she after two centuries has become immune to human blood. It’s the same story of how Carine tried to kill herself but she couldn’t as she is an awesome vampire. Edythe irritates me by saying how difficult it is to resist blood as a new-born which is going to piss me off later.

Edythe destroys the whole science and nature argument again by saying there are few ways that can kill a vampire. I know, it is still annoying as nature doesn’t not create super charged beasts that can’t be killed or defeated by its prey. Everything has its weaknesses, I’m still convinced that I could take one of these things out with a flame thrower. Anyway, Carine ate some deer, swam to France blah blah blah, we know all of this and it’s copy and pasted.

Beau has the same shock as Bella did that they don’t need to breathe, well of course they don’t as they are reanimated corpses, duh! Carine gets to Italy where she meets the Volturi and when I first read this I was confused as the names are: Sulpicia, Marcus and Athendora. I was confused as the two female names are Aro’s and Cauis’ wives’ names. It becomes clear soon and it is stupid and completely unnecessary but we will come to that later.

Just in case I am confused about who is the good vampire is then the painter helped me out as Carine is wearing white. Thanks for that! Then I got confused again as Edythe points out this other girl who is called Mele and is Sulpicia’s little thief and is a servant. Well, that’s new. What is stupid though is that when Beau asks what happened to them, Edythe for some reason just says they are still there and they tried to convince Carine to eat people. Now what is odd is that Edythe does know their history and it seems bizarre that she doesn’t explain it here but explains later in the most badly timed info dump. It’s on the same level of randomness as when Bella sat and pondered about the vampire babies the night before her wedding as some sort of strange and stupid foreshadowing for the rest of the book but didn’t fit as why would she think about death babies the night before her wedding.

We then have Carine wandering off to America and she began working as a nurse. I know Meyer is trying to fit Carine with the times by having her as a nurse but well she didn’t have to be. Elizabeth Blackwell became the first female doctor in 1847 and if Carine is as amazing as they say then I can’t see why she wasn’t able to became a doctor too. Edythe even says she exceeded the skills of all surgeons but due to being a woman then she couldn’t be a doctor. There are a few issues here:

• Again, why?! There is a pretty impressive list that shows women doctors from 1847 after Blackwell in the USA. That took me three minutes to find so it isn’t hard.

• Why surgeons? That seems odd to me as surgery was still in its infancy before antibiotics, anaesthesia and sterilisation so why compare to them for this time.

• Also how on earth did she exceed the skills of surgeons if she wasn’t able to train as a doctor? Where on earth did she get the cadavers to practise on if she wasn’t studying with them? I am now convinced that Carine broke into cemeteries at night and stole freshly buried corpses to play with. Great, just what we needed. More horrible implications.

• SCREW YOU! Nurses are the backbone of medicine and so under appreciated. They learn anatomy and physiology just like doctors and learn all about diseases and treatments. Many times it is the nurse that will save your life as they spend more time with patients than doctors and can spot misdiagnoses as the doctor may spend ten minutes with a patient but nurses are there far more. They are not there to just wash patients and hold their hands. They train damn hard to become a nurse and people choose to be nurses not because they aren’t smart enough to be a doctor. I hate that attitude so much as my Mum is a nurse and an amazing one at that. So I will say it again: FUCK YOU!

Then Edythe has to shit on human doctors by saying she did what she could to save people from the doctors, well less able ones. Guess what, I have already said this but will say it again: most nurses do that! Nurses are a patient’s biggest advocate as they know them so it’s nothing special for Carine to do that. It is just such a disgusting implication that nurses are not good enough and are lowly morons who only wipe bums all day. I can almost hear Meyer saying to a nurse who was trying to give her advice “Pah, you’re just a nurse”.

After that awful crap, we now have Edythe telling us again how she was changed. We now have Edythe telling Beau how she went off to ‘experiment’ *sniggers*. I must admit it does enrage me with how she describes her murderous spree:

“I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence – about ten years after I was … born … created, whatever created you want to call it.”

It is not rebellious it is fucking murder! How is this so hard to comprehend?! I hate Meyer trying to sanitise her vampires to the point that they are just Gods who drink blood. No, they are murdering scum and no amounts of flowery and sanitising language will make it different. If anything it makes them worse as they clearly aren’t repentant as they refuse to acknowledge what they have done.

Beau proves that he is meant to be a vampire as he has no issues with that and thinks Edythe murdering hundreds of people is reasonable. Beau is a psychopath, there is no other explanation. At least pretend to be shocked and repulsed! He just doesn’t care that hundreds of people died horrendous deaths because Edythe was being a brat. Also, it is not teenage rebellion, that would be getting a piercing that your parents forbade you to get or drinking value branded vodka in the park. This is just murder, pure and simple.

There is no point screaming at Meyer to have changed this as she agrees with Beau/Bella. She thinks that vampires have every right to kill people as we are beneath her abominations. If you want to be horrified, then I suggest you read this link:

http://www.twilightlexicon.com/2007/05/20/personal-correspondence-12/

Well, Edythe finds this hilarious! She also justifies it by saying she went for would be murderers and rapists but no it doesn’t as Edythe has no right to be judge, jury and executioner. What if that person had a mental illness and wouldn’t have committed the thoughts they had as Edythe only reads surface thoughts. How does she know unless they are wandering around thinking: “Hmm, I’m in the mood for some murdering today.” You just don’t know but even if they were evil then why does Edythe think she has any right to just murder them. Also, she is just using that to excuse her awful behaviour.

Edythe decides that her red eyes made her sad so she went back to Carine and Earnest and they welcomed her back with no discussion of the mass murder she committed. These people are the worst parents ever! Surely they should have condemned her for her actions or something?!? Especially as we always hear about how much they respect human life. Well clearly not. It is obvious in these books that Meyer hates boundaries and rules so wrote the perfect parents who inflict none of that on their spawn. Parents don’t scold and have boundaries just to be downers but so they don’t raise tyrants.

They promptly forget Edythe’s murder sprees to satisfy her own appetite by looking at her room. They look at her CDs and Edythe is deliriously happy as she likes that she has found a fellow psychopath to love. Beau tells her that she isn’t that scary. I can assure you that she is as she is deranged. Edythe sees this as a challenge as she loves the idea of fear, it gets her off. She growls at him. Ooo scwary!! I don’t find the idea of a small teenager growling at me that scary.

She then proceeds to tackle him and purr for some strange reason. I didn’t know that Edythe was a cat too. Beau says that she is a terrifying monster which pleases Edythe as she a sick woman with murder fetishes. Then he says he loves her because I think Meyer realised that Bella and Edward barely said it to each other so is cramming it in. Archie and Jessamine storm in and Archie feels the need to make this tasteless joke:

“It sounded like you were having Beau for lunch,” Archie said, “and we came to see if you would share.”

HAHAHA MURDER IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!! LAUGH.

Grumpy Cat

NO!

The thing is though, is that they could have been deadly serious as they know Edythe is struggling with bloodlust for Beau. Also, if they were at serious then consider that no one has bothered to come and help Beau and to try and save his life, even Earnest with his apparent love for all things didn’t bother even though he probably heard this growling and pouncing crap. They just didn’t care! I can really see how much they want to protect humanity.

OK, let’s say they know it was just playing then that is still a tasteless joke as Beau knows the situation and with a psycho like Jessamine hanging around then it just makes it worse. These people are horrible.

We end the chapter with Archie inviting Edythe and Beau to play baseball later on and with that we are done. Wow, this was relatively short.

Next time we don’t see vampire baseball as Beau can’t see it due to his sucky eyes and the climax wanders in drunk and throws up cheap vodka on my shoes. Until next time!

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