I am just going to say this now. I hate this chapter the most as it is just hand holding and story-telling but also because it is infuriating, nasty and has some truly vile points to it. It is more interesting than previous chapters though which is a plus but it is stupidly long and moronic. However, this is a new beast as we have left ‘Twilight’ behind and Meyer really wants to cram four books worth of information in this chapter. It is so bad that I will be quoting the vast majority of this chapter because if I have to look at it then so do you! That means this will be a multi part post as this chapter is long and full of stupid. I will be putting all quotes in bold so they are easier to read. Let’s go!

We left off with Beau turning into a vampire and he opens up with this:

“I ended up changing my mind.”

No you didn’t. Shut up, Beau!

I will recap the next paragraph as it’s just Archie telling everyone to calm down as everyone wants to die once bitten. Beau whines that it hurts and it’s all dark now. It is really coming across as bored and monotone whining rather than excruciating pain.

WAHHHH!!! 73

Beau thrashes for a while and he is moved to the car. How he knows this is beyond me as he says it’s all dark and that he can’t feel anything apart from the fire. He whines for a while and I notice this:

“I couldn’t gues which”

I know I make mistakes but I’m dyslexic, have no editor and am not a published author. That is just sloppy!

We now hit the massive info dump from Hell.

““There is so much he doesn’t know.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” She sighed. “Where do I begin?”

“You could explain about being thirsty,” Archie suggested. “That was the hardest part, when I woke up. And we’ll be expecting a lot from him.”

When Edythe answered, it was like she was spitting the words the words through her teeth. “I won’t hold him to that. He didn’t choose. He’s free to become whatever he wants.””

EXCUSE ME! None of you chose to become vampires and Carine wants those who live with her to live the no people diet. Beau is not oh so special to be exempt from this. Also that means if he chooses to eat people because of his thirst when he is an uncontrollable new-born and doesn’t want to eat animals then does that mean you will throw him out to the wild? Edythe should be trying very hard to convince Beau to eat animals as the other option is MURDER! How is this so difficult to understand. Moving on!
Next section of fail is Edythe explaining vampire thirst:

“The first one is that when this passes, when you’re…new, you won’t be exactly the same as I am, not in the very beginning. Being a young vampire means certain things, and the hardest to ignore is the thirst. You’ll be thirsty – all the time. You won’t be able to think about much else for a while. Maybe a year, maybe two. It’s different for everyone.”

Bullet Points!

• That speech will not be funny at the end of this Godforsaken chapter.
• Yes, he should be like that as a new-born as unlike Bella he was thrown into this. He should be wild.
• Meyer forgot to show us vampire thirst in ‘Breaking Dawn’ and just told us it was the most painful thing ever, she said it is like third degree burns in your throat. Forget that Meyer is an idiot as third degree burns kill the nerves so wouldn’t feel anything. Anyway, all Bella ever said was ouch. I am still not convinced.

There is more but I am so saving it. Let’s get back to Edythe’s constant talking!

“If you decide – if you want to live like us, it will be hard. Especially in the beginning. It might be too hard, and I understand that. We all do. If you want to try it my way, I’ll go with you. I can tell you who the human monsters are. There are options.”

FUCK YOU!

That has completely destroyed the argument that they care about human life as that right there shows that they don’t give a shit. Edythe is willing to throw her morals and beliefs out the window if Beau wants to eat people. Oh, but they will just eat bad people. No, as an eye for an eye leaves the world blind. This is just blatant murder and she is willing to go back to that all for Beau. That’s disgusting as love should not make you abandon every moral and belief you hold dear. Edythe should make it clear that if he chooses to eat people then their relationship is over. I don’t care that he is turning into a vampire without as much choice as Bella as we know he thinks they are awesome and wants to be one so it’s not like he has lost multiple limbs. Even if he did find it difficult to come to terms with what has happened that still doesn’t mean he has every right to go out and murder people.

I hate these people. Back to Edythe!

“The hard things – the very worst thing. Oh, I’m so sorry Beau. You can’t see your mother and father again. It’s not safe. You would hurt them – you wouldn’t be able to help yourself. And there are rules. Rules that, as your creator, I’m bound by. We’d both be responsible if you ran out of control.”

Considering what is coming up I really don’t see why Beau can’t see his parents as Bella did. She didn’t care. Also I really can’t see Beau caring about never seeing them again as he is always insulting his father and describing his mother as mentally challenged and what a drag she is. This is probably a bonus for Beau!

I’m snipping the next bit as it is just Edythe whining that no one can know about vampires and how everything is all her fault. We don’t need more whining. The next section is huge though and I will quote the whole thing as it is about the Volturi. Remember back in chapter 16 that I said it was weird that the names were different but not gender flipped as they were already established. Well we hear about it now. Strap in as this section is huge!

“She told me about the people I’d seen in the paintings with Carine – the Volturi. How they’d joined forces in the Mycenaean age, and begun a millennia-long campaign to create peace and order in the vampire world.”

Meyer is such a moron. The Mycenaean age is a hell of a lot older than a 1000 years, try over 3000. Research is not hard and that hurts me as a Classics and Archaeology graduate.

“How there had been six of them in the beginning. How betrayal and murder had cut them in half. Someone named Aro had murdered his sister – his best friend’s wife. The best friend was Marcus – he was the man I had seen standing with Carine. Aro’s own wife – Sulpicia, the one with all the masses of dark hair in the painting – had been the only witness.”

So it looks like Aro is more of a moron in this version. I still find it stupid that he murdered his sister whose stupid power was creating an aura of happiness just to keep Marcus around who has the other stupidest gift of seeing relationships. Why would Aro be stupid enough to let his wife see this? What if she blabbed, which she does and he loses everything? I bet Marcus is still a depressed slug though as that is what male vampires do when they lose their mate, they prefer to off themselves.

“She’s turned him over to Marcus and their soldiers.”

Ermm… I have a question? What about Chelsea, the one who brainwashes you into loving devotion to Aro? Bella said that they were all fiercely devoted to Aro and that was obvious, which is why I never understand why Marcus was a head but not Chelsea as she is dangerous. Was Chelsea taking a nap when this happened and turned off her power? This makes no sense whatsoever but I honestly think that Meyer just forgot about Chelsea as she was only mentioned a handful of times in ‘Breaking Dawn’ Part III, which was written back in 2004 when it was ‘Forever Dawn’. Whatever it is, it is lazy writing and Meyer is a hack.

Also Aro would know if her love for him is faltering (which never happens to vampires) as all he has to do is touch her and he would know. He has shown he has no issue killing family so why not kill her too if he is so obsessed with power. He could also just have Chelsea brain wash her and Corin to deliver the smack to make her happy. Aro should have known that she would turn on him.

Back to this nonsense!

“There had been some question of what to do – Aro had a very powerful gift, like Edythe but more, she said – and the Volturi weren’t sure if they would be able to succeed without him.”

I can get the whole thing of wanting his gift in terms of police and government as it is useful as he knows everything about you if you touch his hand but it is hardly a great offensive gift like Alec who shuts off all senses. Also why would it be hard to know what do with him? What can he do except read the shit out of your mind if he fondles you. Ooo scary!

“But Sulpicia searched out a young girl – Mele, the one Edythe had called a servant and a thief – who had a gift of her own. She could absorb another vampire’s gift. She couldn’t use that stolen gift herself, but could give it to someone else who she was touching.”

Meyer clearly pulled that out of her arse like Bella’s soul radar. That was stupid because if Mele could use this gift then it would make her the most powerful vampire ever (suck it, Bella). Yet, that doesn’t work for Meyer’s little story here so makes it that she can’t use that power. Why? That is stupid as that makes her power completely pointless as why would she have that power if she can’t use it for herself and make other’s more powerful who in turn could kill her. Meyer said that otherwise it would be weird for Mele to not take over herself.

Well guess what, it still fails. Look at how Mele is described! She is described as a thief and a servant, she is nothing but Igor and clearly doesn’t hold any respect or status herself as she is merely a servant. Why would Mele accept being treated like that? Let’s say she was tricked by Sulpicia so gave her Aro’s gift and then was treated as a dog afterwards. Why wouldn’t Mele just steal them back? I am sure she has to think of what power to transfer to people otherwise it would have been more stupid as she would be transferring willy nilly so why doesn’t she just take all the Volturi’s power from them and run? She would render the Volturi pointless and useless but no because of the plot Mele sits there and is thought of as nothing but a thief and servant.

“Sulpicia had Mele take Aro’s gift, and then Marcus executed him.”

I have another question! In the guide it explicitly says that vampires mate for life and don’t get over losing their one and only love? Look at Irina! She wanted to commit genocide on the werewolves because they killed her murdering boyfriend and she was a no people eater. It was explicit in the guide that Aro and his wife loved each other but he kept her stoned for her own safety in a tower (it’s stupid). Surely, she wouldn’t throw him to the executioner as vampires go batshit when their mate dies.

It honestly scares me that I think I know Meyer’s cannon better than her. I need help.

“Once she had her husband’s gift, Sulpicia found out that the third man in their group was in on the plot.”

I know Caius is a moron in the books but this has to be breaking all stupid records. Why would you let her touch your hand as she would know your part in this.

MORON!

Let’s say he doesn’t know then why is he holding hands with Aro’s wife and he must have known about Mele as he must have wondered why that scrawny thing is hanging out with them. I really don’t buy this.

“He was executed, too, and his wife – Athendora- joined with Sulpicia and Marcus to lead their soldiers.”

The End.

confused-cat

That was my face when I finished reading that!

That is the end of that little story. This story should have been told in chapter 16 as this has no relevance being in the changing chapter. I think Beau should be hearing more about how to control his thirst rather than that. It just looks like it was slapped on.

This is Meyer’s little coup she discussed in the opening of this book. This is so clearly an attempt to show that she so can write strong and independent women in power as look at the Volturi! That clearly shows that her books aren’t sexist as look at what she did?!

*Points Down*

MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH! 75

Yeah, that little random story shows how feminist you are. Look at that count, 75 incidences of blatant sexism! There is probably more that I missed. That story does not make this book any less sexist than it is.

I really don’t get why that is even there.

Edythe says that the Volturi made up all the vampire myths to confuse humans. That still fails as most of you are corpse white, red eyed and drink blood. That does scream vampire even if you don’t flinch at garlic. Still a fail hand-wave to explain sparkles.

I am going to cut this post here as I have rambled on enough and there is plenty more to go. Next time is the werewolves and the Cullen’s history being info dumped on us. Oh goody!

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