Last time we started the beast that is chapter 24 where we learnt about the new Volturi and Edythe told Beau he can go out and murder all the people he wants if that’s what he would like to do. Romance of the ages!

We start with Beau trying to show us that he cares about his parents.

“So I couldn’t go to my dad’s house and let him see the eyes that Edythe said would be bright. I couldn’t even drive to Florida and hug my mom and let her know I wasn’t dead. I couldn’t even call her and explain the confusing message I’d left on her answering machine.”

I find it funny that he is now referring to his parents as mom and dad rather than what he used to call them. I know this is to show that he does care about them but I have read too many instances of Beau insulting them and blaming them for his lack of personality. This paragraph is too little and too late.

“Edythe moved on quickly – telling me about their friends in Canada who lived the same way. Three blond Russian brothers and two Spanish vampires who were the Cullen’s closest family. She told me that two of them had extra powers – Kirill could do something electrical, and Elena knew the talents of every vampire she met.”

*Face Palm*

• Meyer has said many times that they are from Denali (hence their names) which is in Alaska so therefore in the USA and not Canada. That is a major fail that I am now in pain.
• Kate, who is now Kirill was said to have been from Slovakia not Russia. How hard is it to know your own cannon? That is just sad.
• Kirill is a fail as he is a vampire from the dark ages and that name is the modern version of Kyrilu in Old Slavic which is the best language for ancient/medieval Russian names. Both are versions of Cyril but Kirill is the modern version. Historical Fail!
• Elena is much more attune for a Spanish vampire compared to Eleazar which is Hebrew in origin. Also Eleazar was very stereotypically Spanish that I am sure he would have been a Catholic as a human. So in this instance, the female name is more fitting with the character.

“Edythe told me that I would never age. That I would always be seventeen, like she was. That the world would change around me, I would remember all of it, never forgetting one second.”

Wow, he gets Bella’s dream as she hated being eighteen when Edward was seventeen. Also, I debunked the never forgetting crap earlier as Edythe doesn’t remember bugger all about her past as a human. That is also terrifying as the human mind purposefully makes traumatic events muddy with time as a coping mechanism but vampires never get that comfort. We know Meyer doesn’t see it like that as her vampires just boast about how awesome their memories are and learn everything so quickly. We can’t have any downsides in this little fantasy.

I am summarising the next paragraph as it’s boring and not creepy. Edythe explains that they move around a lot and Earnest likes to deface historical homes for them and Archie commits fraud so they have money. Nothing fascinating!

I must ask though how does Carine manage to hop to a different hospital each time? They may be able to fake I.D. but what does she do about references? She would need them to get a job as they don’t just take anyone with a medical degree. She couldn’t use references from previous employments as the age would be wrong as she would have documents that make her younger so she can stay for a few years so that would be flagged up if they contacted her references. She couldn’t just use her family as fake ones as it would be simple to see that this is fraud too as they can’t insert a fake doctor into the system and someone that the medical board haven’t heard of or can’t find. I think this is just another instance of Meyer showing how ignorant she is as she has lived a privileged life where she has never worked a proper job before. She has been a housewife and then an author but that is self-employment. It really does come across that she hasn’t a clue how the real world works.

“I would never sleep again.

Food would be disgusting to me. I would never be hungry again, only thirsty.

I would never get sick. I would never feel tired.

I would be able to run faster than a race car. I’d be stronger than any other species on the planet.

I wouldn’t need to breathe.

I would be able to see more clearly, hear even the smallest sound.

My heart would finish beating tomorrow or the next day, and it would never beat again.

I would be a vampire.”

Grumpy Cat

Wow, that was some serious wanking there.

I don’t get the whole food and disgust thing as Bella just showed indifference to it when she smelt Sue Clearwater cooking. She remarked that it probably smelt nice to them but she never showed disgust but was just baffled about these strange human customs as she is an alien who forgot her human life in a heartbeat.

Also surely you would be freaked out that you won’t need to breathe and your heart will stop beating which means you are dead. He is calmly discussing that he will be a walking corpse that will never find peace but he is just doing a strange combination of wanking over his upcoming awesome and sounding bored about it. There is no emotion there.

“One good thing about the burning – it let me hear all this with some distance. It let me process what she was telling me without emotion. I knew the emotion will come later.”

Oh, stop lying, Beau! You show no emotion in anything unless it’s glorifying Edythe’s anorexia or whining and they barely count as you usually sound indifferent. For God’s sake! He is dying and doesn’t give a shit!

Next up is the werewolves!

“Carine sat on the ground next to me and told me the most amazing story about Jules’s family – that her great-grandmother had actually been a werewolf. All the things Jules had scoffed about were straight history. Carine told me she’d promised them she would never bite another human. It was part of the treaty between them, the treaty that meant the Cullens could never go west to the ocean.”

Errmmm….. no the treaty said they can’t go to La Push where the tribe lives, they can’t stop them going to Japan via the Californian or Canadian coast. They don’t own the Pacific Ocean. Once again, this is proving that I know this awful cannon better than its own damn creator! I might have to cry when I have finished this as that is embarrassing.

Next is Jessamine and it is so rushed compared to ‘Eclipse’ but I am grateful as we don’t need the gender swapped and racist white Mexican Maria. I will recap it as it’s lame and not worthy of discussion. Jessamine was stolen by Man Maria and bitten, she then fought in the vampire army. I must say though that I am slamming it with a sexist point as Jasper was the General and Grand High Executioner but here it is just Jessamine as a soldier and no mention of rank. Pfft, woman can’t be Generals.


Next is Earnest and this is really quite vile. I will quote his section and then I will discuss it.

“Earnest told me how his life had ended before he’d killed himself, about his unstable, alcoholic wife and the daughter he’s loved more than his own soul. He’d told me about the night when his wife, in a drunken rampage, had jumped off a cliff with his little daughter in her arms, and how he hadn’t been able to do anything but follow after them.”

First of all, why did Meyer have to put that stupid line about his soul in that as it is clearly a nod to that stupid necklace Bella threw at her daughter for Christmas. I don’t need reminders as it gives me flash backs to that book.

Now the serious part. Wow, that is horrifying and answers the question as to why Meyer aged up Esme’s baby so that Earnest has a two-year-old. For those who don’t know, in the illustrated guide Esme’s husband was physically abusive and she escaped when pregnant but her son died after a few days. So Earnest needed a tragic back ground and a horrible spouse. So, why did Meyer age Earnest’s child up? Well, I think she did that to try and prevent the inevitable defence that Earnest’s wife was clearly suffering from Postnatal Depression and thinks that if the child is two then she has no excuse. She did that to try and show that actually she was just abusive and a drunk who killed her child.

Well that fails. I am convinced that and the age of the child backs this up even more that she had Postnatal Depression but due to no treatment then it developed into Postnatal Psychosis. Look how she is described! She is described as unstable and turned to alcohol. Meyer has no idea what alcohol does to you as she is a Mormon, she probably thinks that people just decide to become alcoholics and that they become abusive. That is not the case at all and I really think that his wife turned to alcohol to cope with her Postnatal Depression and it became a serious problem.

So we can assume that her depression developed into full blown psychosis. Postnatal Psychosis is very dangerous and is very misunderstood. Many sufferers have been known to kill their children and afterwards many mothers say it was to protect them because the mental illness had completely taken over and made them think they had to kill them to protect them. The problem is that it is so misunderstood as the idea of a mother killing her children is an ultimate taboo so people don’t want to talk about but just brand these women as evil. I am not condoning what these women did but it could have been easily avoided if people would take this condition seriously and not just call it ‘Baby Blues’. It is far more serious than just feeling sad but people just won’t accept that a mother can feel anything but elation over her birth and motherhood.

Hormones are a big factor in what causes this and when mixed with someone who already has mental health history then it can be disastrous if there is no help given. I’ve known people who felt awful that they had to stop breastfeeding so they could go back to their medication due to Postnatal Depression and were vilified by others as mothers should breastfeed in many people’s views. People are so judgemental to new mothers that many don’t want to speak out that they aren’t loving motherhood and being a new mum can be one of the most isolating experiences in their lives. I am not condoning what these women have done but I will lay a lot of blame on all the people who fob them off when they seek help when this could be easily prevented.

There is nothing there in that text that says he even tried to help his wife, she is clearly vilified for not being a true Mother Goddess. It really makes me think that Earnest just thought she was awful rather than trying to understand what was going on and help her. He was too obsessed with his daughter but clearly didn’t help. People don’t just grab their children and jump off a cliff in a drunken stupor, that is classic Postnatal Pyschosis as many mothers will kill themselves with their children as many think that the world or something is too dangerous. Also I get the impression that he didn’t even love his wife because:

“Then he told me how, after the pain, there had been the most beautiful woman in a nurse’s uniform.”

That’s disgusting! He clearly hated his wife as he was quick to start drooling over the gorgeous nurse two days after she died. So now go back to his wife, she was clearly in a loveless marriage with a man who fawned over her child so had expectations over her skills as a mother, the psychosis and depression are building to extreme levels while she blocked the pain out with booze. Imagine how desperate she must have been to do that? What she did was wrong but I don’t think she is someone to hate but to pity for being born in a time with no mental health help and a husband who didn’t love her. She is like Leila from ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ who was a villain in E.L. James’ eyes but was just a victim to mental illness without the right help. She was to be pitied and not hated and I believe the same for Earnest’s wife.

This makes Meyer look appalling and an insensitive witch. She has no damn right to vilify someone like this when she has said countless times in interviews about how much of a burden her children are, how she used this series to escape from them and even went as far to create her perfect child who was a girl that she didn’t have. Meyer really needs to educate herself when she decides to write something like that as it has horrifying implications about her attitudes and understanding of mental health. She would probably hand-wave and say she wasn’t thinking of Postnatal Depression but she clearly was as why else would she age up the child from a few days to two years? There could be no other reason but she clearly doesn’t understand what Postnatal Depression can do if left untreated in someone with a history of mental illness. I will end this section with two simple words:


Next up is Victor! I am summing up as it’s long winded with no substance but he realised Joss lost so thought fuck this and left. I know the reason why and that was because this is a one off book so all conflict needs to swept under the carpet and forgotten. However, that is not what I have a problem with. This is very telling as what did Victoria do? She went on a Hell bent mission to destroy all Cullens. What makes this interesting though is that in the guide when discussing vampires, she usually used the male pronoun but when it came to vampire vengeance when a mate is killed and they go on a murderous spree then it was described with the feminine pronoun. How telling. Let’s look at the vampires who have lost their mates and their reactions!

Marcus: Lost Didyme and has sat in Volterra like a depressed slug for 3000 years and never moved on.

Edward: When he thought Bella had died he wanted to kill himself. He only considered murder to make the Volturi kill him when they refused. He just wanted to die.

Victoria: Created a new-born army to kill the Cullens and Bella.

Irina: Wanted to commit genocide on the wolves when they killed her lover, Laurent.

Nameless Female Vampire: When the wolves killed her partner, she tried to commit genocide on the wolves.

So when male vampires lose their lady loves they just go into a depressive state and want to die but the female vampires turn into Hell bitches with a love of genocide and murder.


“Even Royal took a turn. He told me about a life consumed with vanity, with material things with ambition.”


This reminds me of James so much but unlike James, Royal is not awesome!

“He told me about the only daughter of a powerful man – exactly what kind of power this man wielded, Royal hadn’t entirely understood – and how Royal had planned to marry her and become heir to the dynasty. How the beautiful daughter pretended to love him to please her father, and then how she watched her lover from a rival criminal syndicate had beaten Royal to death, how she’d laughed aloud the whole time.”


Right, as Royal was alive in 1930s New York and Meyer is stupid then I think we can assume that this girl is from the Sicilian Mafia as she is too thick to probably know of the Irish and Polish crime families so for sake of argument we are going to go for Sicilian.

Royal was the son of a banker and as Royal is blond haired and blue eyed then he is clearly not Sicilian descent. Also Royal has no idea what kind of power this man had which means he has no idea he is part of the mob and is not in the inner circle or even just someone from the neighbourhood who may know. He is clueless! So why on earth would this man want Royal as a son in law and heir to his dynasty?!?! Crime families do not work like that! Let’s break this down:

It is very unlikely that this man would only have one child who is a daughter as Sicilian families are known to have big families. This man would more than likely have sons and if he did then I could buy it if Royal was the son of a politician who is good to turn or one himself as he would be very useful to have in his pocket for more power but that is not the case and Royal wouldn’t be the heir.

Fine, let’s accept that he only has one child then and it is a girl. He would not let her marry a non-Italian who has no idea what his real business is to become his heir. He would want someone from the same heritage as him, who was close to the family and had proven themselves capable, loyal and useful. Royal fits none of that! Why on earth would he want Royal as he is not a person of use and influence as his father is a banker and Royal has no career to speak of.

Mafia families are incredibly secretive that’s why their operations are run out of common businesses as restaurants, casinos and laundry services and are usually in locations where those communities reside. New Jersey is a huge example for Italian Mafia families and for goodness sake New York has Little Italy. That is where they reside but Royal lived Rochester so when would he have even met these people?! For the father to want Royal to marry his daughter screams arranged marriage so that means he would have known them for a long time but how and why would this man be close to some random banker?

Also in the early 20th century Italian immigrants faced fierce discrimination from Americans as many were coming over at the time for a new life but Americans accused them of taking American jobs. This is why these communities kept themselves to themselves for safety due to persecution. So why would Royal have even wanted to marry this girl as it is clearly arranged? He was a blond middle class American who probably had very strong views against Italians and for arguments sake the Polish and Irish too as they were discriminated against too. Royal would never want to marry this girl.

Another big factor is that these communities had very rigid gender expectations. We will still stick with Sicilian as I am sure it is that and they fall into that gender category. The wives and daughters were not stupid and knew their husbands, brothers and fathers were involved in crime but never spoke about and didn’t acknowledge it in their home lives. They were never consulted and were taught to be wives and mothers but also to not question things. We see this progression with Michael Corleone and his wife when he at first he was honest with her but as he got more involved in the family then the more he shut her out of family business and she assumed her role as a typical mob wife. It would be very unlikely that she would arrange this, as they are taught that the family is everything and it would be very unlikely for her to betray her father by sleeping with a rival mob family member. I’m not saying it couldn’t but in the 1930s then it would be very unlikely as she would be at most first generation so would still have many Sicilian morals towards her father and family.

We are finished! So after all of that?


Goodness me! I am shattered but that is the end of story time. I did promise you all that it is infuriating. Next time is Beau waking up as a vampire and I will probably explode in rage. Until next time!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s