Welcome to the third and final part of this awful chapter! We are about to meet Beau the vampire and naturally it is full of fail. Before we start though I want to remind you all of ‘Breaking Dawn’ where we see Bella the vampire. The fans were not impressed that she woke up and had Carlisle standard control towards human blood. It didn’t affect her at all and the fans were not happy as they wanted to see Bella struggle. They knew she would have an easier time but not to that extent where she is over her blood lust in a chapter. Meyer tried to hand-wave it with her own reasons. Below are a selection of quotes:

“He’s wondering if the newborn madness is really as difficult as we’ve always thought, or if, with the right focus and attitude, anyone could do as well as Bella. Even now — perhaps he only has such difficulty because he believes it’s natural and unavoidable. Maybe if he expected more of himself, he would rise to those expectations. You’re making him question a lot of deep-rooted assumptions, Bella.”

Breaking Dawn Chapter 23 ‘Memories’

“Or had Edward been correct in the beginning? Before Carlisle had suggested that my self-control could be something beyond the natural, Edward had thought my restraint was just a product of good preparation — focus and attitude, he’d declared.”

Breaking Dawn Chapter 31 ‘Talented’

Q: Why was Bella so controlled as a newborn? — Natasha

SM: Bella’s really the only vampire who went into it knowing what to expect, being mentally prepared and on guard for her reactions. And she’s a naturally stubborn person, which helps when you make up your mind to do something.

MTV Fan Questions

“At the end of Eclipse, Alice specifically says that nobody has ever made the conscious decision to become a vampire, and so none of them had any idea how Bella would handle the entire process.”

Seth (Meyer’s brother) petition response: http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/316459-seth-meyer-rot-in-hell

So according to these quotes from books, responses and interviews the reason Bella has super self-control is because she had decided to become a vampire months before her transformation so had mentally prepared herself for the new-born blood lust and how to stop it. We know that is bollocks as Bella had accepted that she would probably murder people but she was fine with that as she wants to be a vampire. Let’s just forget what we know because Meyer is a hack but go with what she has told us and that good preparation due to deciding on becoming a vampire rather than be forced into it caused this amazing self-control. Whereas those who didn’t know and were turned go through the new-born stage where they will murder anything in site is the standard. Therefore, Beau should be the same and a blood thirsty monster as he didn’t chose when in a sound mind but chose when he was in excruciating pain and only said that he wanted to stay with Edythe. Beau has not mentally prepared for this like Bella. Keep that in mind.

So we start with Archie researching his family after watching Joss’ tape and Beau hopes he destroyed it so Edythe wouldn’t be upset. Beau, she saw you broken and bleeding to death on the floor! I think she can guess what happened.

Beau whines for a while about the burning. Slowly, the burning stops at different sections of his body and drains to his heart. It’s all very dryly described.

“The pain was almost gone from everywhere but my chest. The only left-over was my throat, but it was a different burn now … drier … irritating…”

Wow, I can so understand why vampires murder people all the time to stop the burn in their throats as it is merely irritating. I find people who deliberately walk in the middle of a small pavement at a snail’s pace so I can’t get past them irritating. Can I murder them as I just need to get rid of that irritating feeling?


Beau decides to tell me how each individual Cullen’s footsteps sound. Thanks for that useless information. Next is a huge chunk of text because my God!

“The fire constricted tighter, concentrating into one fist-sized ball of pain with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep, hollow-sounding thud. My heart stuttered twice, then thudded quietly one more time.

There was no sound. No breathing. Not even mine.

For a second, all I could process was the absence of the pain. The dull, dry after burn in my throat was easy to ignore, because every other part of me felt amazing. The release was an incredible high.”




Also look at the way he has described his throat?! That is meant to be the excuse as to why vampires murder humans for food as the pain is just too much. Fuck this, I am quoting again to really ram the point home. This is from Meyer’s own mouth:

“In the Twilight world, this is not the case. Thirsty vampires are in acute physical pain. It is comparable to the feel of a third degree burn inside your throat. It can make a vampire literally crazy for relief—beyond thought. If your hand was on fire and there was a bucket of ice water beside you, would you resist that relief? Of course not.”

Stephenie Meyer: Twilight Lexicon Personal Correspondence 12

Now compare them together! Does Beau’s description of his throat as irritating really sound like the pain she has described? No, it doesn’t because Meyer cannot show and only holds our hands and tells us that it is that painful. Well, I don’t believe Meyer as Beau doesn’t seem to give a shit and isn’t in pain so that does not justify blatant murder. Beau should be in agony as he has just woken up as a vampire but no it is just irritating.

“I stared up at Edythe in wonder. I’d felt like I’d taken off a blindfold I’d been wearing all my life. What a view.”

Disgusted Cat.jpg

So to sum up: humans suck and Edythe is hot. We good?

Beau wanks over Edythe’s voice and looks again while shitting on his humanity. He then explains in excruciating detail about how they love to touch each other’s faces. Beau then declares that he will be animal eating vampire, I am guessing we are meant to be shocked about this but I’m really not as why would it be any different.

Edythe says they should hunt and Beau remembers that oh yeah his throat is a tad sore and is understandably nervous about hunting as he has never hunted before. I then come close to exploding as Edythe agrees that it will be just them hunting.

This was stupid in ‘Breaking Dawn’ and it is stupid here. Beau is meant to be a super strong, ravenous and blood thirsty new-born vampire so he really needs others with him if he comes across any humans. Edythe is tiny and has no offensive abilities to keep him in track, he is much bigger and stronger than her so could hurt her to get to humans. They should take Eleanor, Jessamine and Royal so they could pin him down and Jessamine could light another spliff to calm him down. This is ridiculous! The problem is though is that Meyer knows Beau would be fine (saving the rant) and she didn’t want the other Cullens to interrupt their romantic date of slaughtering innocent animals.

Beau looks at himself but I won’t bother quoting as he isn’t really describing anything but how angular he is and how icky his red eyes are. It’s annoying as I have a vague mental picture of Edythe but I honestly have no idea what Beau looks like and Meyer can’t be bothered to do that annoying third person description of appearance that she loves to do. I can’t even compare what Beau looks like as a human and then as a vampire. That is bad form.

“I still wore my bloodstained jeans, but I had an unfamiliar, pale blue shirt on. I didn’t remember that happening, but I could understand: vampire or human, no one wanted to hang around with someone drenched in vomit.”

Huh? I have a few thoughts to share.

Why didn’t they change his jeans too? Surely a blood soaked human is still a risk to the vampires, especially Jessamine. Wouldn’t the blood incite their blood lust? Speaking of Jessamine, why didn’t she go bat shit? This really makes ‘New Moon’ look stupid as why did Jasper go bat shit with a paper cut but could sit and drive Beau home bleeding out as he is transforming. Surely Jessamine could still have killed him before the transformation could take hold. This is just such a random thing to put in here. Why didn’t she just write that he had entirely new clothes on as that makes sense and doesn’t hurt my brain.

Beau wanks over his beauty because he now looks right next Edythe instead of someone she was taking pity on. Just say that you think you are handsome now rather trying to sound humble as we know you are not.

They dart off to the woods while Beau has to tell us how awesome and cool he is. This is just a great big wank to Beau and now I feel dirty. Beau tells us how when he jumps he is actually flying over the river. I heard all of this from Bella.

“She frowned. I don’t understand. You’re … in a very good mood.”

Yes, I know and it’s stupid. He hasn’t thought of his parents once!

“Oh. Is that wrong?”


He is such a selfish little shit.

“Aren’t you incredibly thirsty?”

I swallowed against the burn. It was bad, but not as bad as the rest of the fire I’d just left behind. The thirst-burn was always there, and it got worse when I focused on it, but there were so many other things to focus on. “Yes, when I think about it.”

Oh, I thought it was just merely irritating?


I’m saving it.

Edythe whines that she still can’t poke around in his head like everyone else and Beau apologises like the good dog he is. Edythe asks why he wanted to hunt with just her and he says he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Eleanor on his first hunt.

Edythe however thought he wanted to yell at her alone. Beau cannot believe this and wanted to tell her that everything is OK.

“I’m sad, of course, but I’m also good, Edythe.”

Again, don’t lie Beau. It is obvious that you don’t feel sad as remember we are stuck in your head and all you have done is go on about how awesome you are since you changed. Also, suck it Charlie and Renee! Beau merely feels sad that he will never see his parents again.

He blathers on about she saved his life and sorry to quote again but, well:

“She exhaled, almost like she was mad again. “How can you …? Beau, you have to see that this is all my fault. I haven’t saved your life, I’ve taken it from you. Charlie – Renee – ?”

Beau shuts his woman up by putting his finger to her mouth and says this:

“Yes. It’s hard, it’s going to be hard for a long time.”

Wow, such emotion about never seeing his parents again. He is really coming across as sociopathic as he has not thought about his parents once. It sounds like he is only saying that to reassure Edythe that he is not a sociopath.

Edythe feels the need to tell Beau how amazing he is because of how much he loves being a vampire. We then get the utter idiocy of Edythe saying that Joss was right and that she didn’t want Beau to be a vampire so Beau whines about how he will just go and wander alone in the woods so he doesn’t bother her.

WAHHHH!!! 74

Let her finish before you whine! I’m summing up the next bit as it is revolting. Edythe says that she didn’t want him to be a vampire as he is just too special and she didn’t want to take his humanity and life away from him for her own selfish desires. She explains that if he had nothing to leave behind then she would be so happy as Beau is just so awesome.


However, Beau has nothing to give up. He can’t stand his parents and has no ambitions other than being with Edythe.

They touch faces for a while spouting about their truest of true loves and then they kiss. It was sickening so I spared you. I am so not sparing you the next bit. Remember all the quotes I started this post with? Well:

“How are you doing this?” She laughed. “You’re supposed to be a newborn vampire and here you are, discussing the future calmly with me, smiling at me, kissing me! You’re supposed to be thirsty and nothing else.”





I knew I would explode at some point.

Congratulations Meyer, you have just destroyed your cannon completely and I will so explain it as that is appalling!

Bella was so super self-controlled because she was prepared! Well Beau wasn’t as he didn’t have the sex/vamping deal with Edythe. This was an accident so why is he like this? Meyer and Seth have told us that it is preparation, well it clearly isn’t and do you know what that means?

That Meyer’s vampires are a bunch of murdering bastards as new-born thirst is clearly not bad as Beau is fine! No preparation from him and he is fine on his first day. I never had sympathy with Meyer vampires but this has made it so much worse. All it is a dry and irritating burn and Beau can forget about it easily on his first day.

In Meyer’s attempt to avoid conflict she has destroyed her entire argument on vampire thirst and Bella’s preparation. Vampires should be able to control their thirst quite easily as we know that animal blood is fine as Bella described it as tangy which is pretty neutral for descriptions. So, yes these vampires choose to act like animals and murder for self-gratification. I already hated these things but I hate them even more now.

I’m sure Meyer would just say that Beau is special but no. I would be fine if this was an extra ability of Beau/Bella but we know it is not due to those quotes I put up. Beau is not special and vampires are murdering bastards who should be destroyed.

I get that this book is a one off and she wants a happy ending but she should have had Beau as a rabid new-born, let him feed on some deer so he calms down and then have this discussion and I love you declarations. After all, Rosalie and Carlisle weren’t rabid animals so why couldn’t have Beau been like that but just show us some struggle. Both Rosalie and Carlisle have never tasted human blood but they were still careful and didn’t hand-wave this. Then the next chapter should have been set a few months down the line so we can see that he has calmed down, stayed isolated so he didn’t kill anyone and then have the happy ending. This would also give Meyer her favourite hobby of avoiding conflict but not this!

I am so pissed off!

Beau decides to piss me off even more before this chapter ends by saying that they should go hunt and that it would be so easy as he is a vampire now.


Thank God, that is the end of this chapter. That was awful and I want it to die! We have seen truly horrific mental health messages, spectacular history fails and Meyer setting fire to her own cannon for a conflict free ending. This book is honestly the worst as it just shows how Meyer as an author doesn’t care about the world and rules she has built. Next time is more fail and once again horrific implications and attitudes as we need to go out for a bang as it’s the final chapter. So close, yet so far.


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