Hello everyone! It’s been a while since I posted as there was a birthday, I was travelling around, went grocery shopping and my foot hurt. Anything to avoid doing this to be honest. However, this is the final chapter of this mess. It is so full of fail like the last chapter that it will most likely be a multiple part recap again. I hope everyone has alcohol and snacks of their choice ready as you will need them.

The chapter title is the same as the original ‘Epilogue: An Occasion’ but I think we can guess that Beau is not going to the prom. So where is our whiney hero? Watching his own funeral from a tree of course! Beau whines that he couldn’t watch in the service in the church, he is probably whining as he would have loved to have heard everyone talking about how amazing he was. Beau also feels the need to be an arsehole:

“The hearse was overkill. There hadn’t been enough of the body that they’d found inside the burned-out shell of my truck to need a casket. If I’d been able to consult with my parents, I would have told them not to waste the money and just get an urn. But I guess if it made them feel better … Maybe they wanted a grave to visit.”

I am saving the whole body thing for a moment as that will become a huge discussion but not just yet. Look at his attitude! He honestly doesn’t sound like he even cares. I worked in the funeral industry and when it comes to unexpected deaths then the family usually do go all out for the deceased but that it is usually for the comfort of the living family. I’m not saying that people who experienced the expected deaths for their loved ones and they do but it all depends on the family and usually the age of the deceased. There is nothing wrong with that but the family sometimes likes to throw themselves into the arrangements as a way of managing their grief, not all but many. Also most families who lose a child when they are young usually (again not all the time) opt for burial as many want to be able to visit their child and talk to them especially when burial is far more common in the U.S.

Beau almost seems to be mocking his parents for wanting a burial in a casket rather than just throwing him into the cremator. Some want that and there is nothing wrong with cremation but he makes it sound like a poor person’s funeral when it actually isn’t as many people have elaborate funerals that end in cremation. I think Meyer wanted Beau to come across as selfless here but he just across as callous and disdainful of his parent’s grief because he is a dickhead.

Beau mentions that he is being buried beside his grandparents which is a nice sentiment as they probably don’t want their son to be alone in death, so naturally Beau disdainfully tells us that it’s not like he even knows his grandparents. Why does he feel the need to shit on his parents on the worst day of their lives?

Now we have this section and Wow. I’m going to break it down though.

“I didn’t know the strangers name. I hadn’t wanted to know every detail about how Archie and Eleanor faked my death.”

I don’t why but that annoys me. I can understand not wanting details but considering they have just ripped some poor man from his resting place to be completely desecrated for the sake of Beau, I think most would show some sort of respect to at least acknowledge his name.

“I just knew that someone roughly my size who had recently been interred had taken one last trip. I assumed that all the identifiers had been destroyed – teeth, prints etc.”

There is just so much fail in two sentences! It also shows that Meyer is an idiot. Due to my experience in the funeral industry I have seen and worked with a variety of death so I understand how coroners and the system works as my job involved so much paperwork that I could hear the trees next to my office crying. *Cracks Knuckles* Let’s rip this apart.


Does Meyer have no clue what kind of death that Beau has just experienced? That is an unexpected and suspicious death. So what happens? Coroners get involved and they are extremely intricate when it comes to these kind of deaths. They would have an idea that it could be Beau via the registration number on his truck. This would mean they would have medical records on hand for identification to make sure 100% that the deceased was him. So that would mean the corpse they used fails because:

They would have his height on record so someone being roughly the same size would not fly. Even though they say not much was left, I think we can accept that from that description that Meyer means flesh as I cannot fathom where his skeleton would have got too especially as what most people don’t understand is that bones don’t burn. When the deceased go into the crematorium it is only the coffin and flesh that are cremated down to ash. The movies get cremated remains completely wrong as they don’t come out as a fine powder due to the bone fragments because when a body is cremated the skeleton is left but very brittle. Therefore, the skeleton goes into a grinder that renders the skeleton into fragments which are added to the cremated remains.

Therefore, Beau’s skeleton would be intact and a forensic anthropologist/osteologist can gain a wide variety of information from a skeleton and one thing they would be able to tell straight away is height. If it is slightly off, then this throws the investigation open as they can’t say it is Beau for certain.

Also it is only noted that size is similar and not the age. Unless they manage to find someone who was Beau’s size and exact age then the Coroner will know that this isn’t Beau as they can tell how old someone is via their bones.

Oh, but they removed the corpse’s teeth and finger prints! Doesn’t matter, if anything this looks even more suspicious as why would a seventeen-year-old have no teeth? It would be more than obvious that this is a cover up for murder and not an accident. Also, you can get DNA from skeletal remains so that still fails as the coroner would know that this was not Beau and this is murder.

Also, I think we can safely assume that there would be charred flesh still attached as the perfect cremation is done is in controlled circumstances. I am sure there would be some left as the car fire would unlikely last long enough to burn all flesh off the skeleton as most cremations last hours with constant flames. That burnt flesh and organs can tell a coroner many things and once again can give the coroner DNA which would be vital considering it was Beau’s truck then the coroner would want DNA from his parents as he is their most likely option and it needs to be confirmed first before they look at other options. The coroner would know that this is not Beau.

Another aspect that would throw this entire lie out the window is the fact they took an interred body. Depending on death then this person could have been dead for two to three weeks and as open casket funerals are a big thing in the U.S. then I think we can safely assume that he was embalmed which means removing all the blood and replacing it with embalming fluid. This would be most likely found in the Post Mortem as the tissue would likely to be tested and the fluid would be found but also a lack of blood. However, embalming and preparing the deceased takes more than that. Remember, this would have been likely to have been a quick fire that blew out the car and would have likely have burnt out quickly so there would be other evidence left there such as charred eye caps that are used to keep the eyelids shut. They may also find evidence of compaction tissue and maybe evidence that the body is not a fresh as they would like to think.

There is another aspect of forensics that Meyer is forgetting and that is recreation of a person via their skull. Beau’s skull would be there and the Coroner would not just identify the John Doe as Beau because of the car. They have to be 100% certain that this corpse is Beau as imagine the ramifications if Beau wandered home two weeks later. So if their options were exhausted then you have the experts who can reconstruct a person’s looks via their skull as they are unique. They would see that this person isn’t Beau.

Some people don’t understand how much information Forensic Pathologists and Scientists can get out of a crime scene and body. They would know that this isn’t Beau which means they have a murder case on their hands if they can’t find the post mortem embalming evidence but it also means that Beau is now missing.

This scene could never happen as Forensic experts are not fooled by childish attempts of a fake death and would be most likely interviewing the Cullens due to Beau screaming about her before he left.

Another aspect that I don’t think Meyer thought of is how did they find this corpse? Did they just break into every funeral home they could find and look at client files to find someone of the same height? That is ridiculous and considering how fast a body breaks down once interred due to time and moisture. I do not see how the Cullen’s could get a bloated corpse in their car without it exploding or disintegrating without anyone noticing. This would have taken them time to find that body and then to locate the grave as new graves do not have stones due to the ground needing time to settle which takes six months to a year. This is just not plausible.

I may have bought it if this was years down the line and he had been declared dead due to how long he had been missing for and they had a memorial ceremony for him and maybe a grave marker which people do. This just comes across as amateurish and stupid.

“I felt pretty bad for the guy, but I suppose he didn’t mind. He hadn’t felt anything when the truck veered into a ravine somewhere in Nevada and burst into flames.”

First off, does Meyer think because his body was in the heat then he would rot faster which means that identification is harder? Well, she is only partially correct. Heat does accelerate decomposition but only certain heat. Heat that is filled with moisture that you find in say Louisiana and other Southern States that experience muggy weather would decompose a corpse much faster than normal but Nevada is not like that. Nevada is a dry heat which is very good for preserving a corpse. Look at the Egyptian mummies that were peasants who couldn’t afford mummification. They were buried in the desert with no embalming and are some of the best preserved corpses known to archaeology due to the dry heat drying out the tissue and preserving them rather than rotting faster. I think Meyer just thinks Heat = Fast Decomposition. Well, she fails as Beau would be preserved like jerky which is helpful to the forensics team.

How does Beau know that he doesn’t mind? He maybe dead but Beau has no idea what his final wishes were. Many religions do not believe in burning a body and burial must be done. I think he would very much mind that his body was ripped from his resting place, desecrated violently by having his teeth ripped out and set on fire. He may not have felt anything but that doesn’t matter as he was completely violated in death and as someone from that industry and a decent person I find that deplorable and disrespectful.

Beau tries to make it sound better that his family had already mourned but no that is not the point as imagine how they would feel if they knew what happened to their loved one. This is just disgusting and I am moving on before I throw something.


Beau describes his parents by saying his Mum can barely walk and he shows as much emotion as a wet tissue. He feels like he needs to shit on his Dad one last time by saying he is fat and can’t button up his suit and that his tie is too wide. Is now really the time?!?!

Beau then gives a laundry list of who is carrying his coffin and he doesn’t seem to care. Beau mentions how the whole school is there and crying but he blames it on the fact that they are facing their own mortality. Don’t be silly Beau, it’s because you’re special! *Vomits*

Now I find this weird, all the Cullens par Edythe are there and wearing grey. They just look like they are wearing that to stand out and this makes them look very disrespectful. If the dress code is black, then wear black! I recently went to the funeral of a loved one and the dress code was bright colours so I wore blue but so many mourners came in black that we looked disrespectful but so did they via ignoring the dress code of the deceased as he had stated he wanted that before he died. The dress code here is clearly black but they chose to ignore that and that is downright rude and shows what horrible people they are.

Beau then speaks in his dead and monotone voice that the service was like super long. He tells us that his Mum isn’t coping and his Dad looks brittle while people line up to give their condolences. There is no emotion whatsoever in this and sounds like a laundry list. This should be very emotive as he is seeing his parents suffering their worst nightmare and he can see their pain but can’t help them and console them. Imagine how horrible that must be for someone, you desperately want to hold your parents and reassure them but you can’t. There is no emotion in this and once again Beau sounds sociopathic.

Carine decides to make the funeral and their pain all about Edythe by saying she was hurting too much to be there and will now be home-schooled. How convenient.

I then want to punch Eleanor in the fucking face. Why?

“She was trying not to smile; Eleanor never took anything seriously.”

What a goddamn fucking whore to be smiling while watching two parents go through the worst thing that they could ever imagine. It doesn’t matter that Beau is fine as they do not know that and therefore find their grief funny. It’s not funny! These people are in deep mourning and will never get over the death of their only child. I really want to punch her as that is horrible. Meyer has made this character into something truly vile.

Everyone leaves but Charlie, who sits while the operatives fill in Beau’s grave. This could be heart breaking as Charlie is lost in his grief and Beau just doesn’t seem to care! He shows no emotion whatsoever which is just disturbing. Meyer cannot write emotion to save her life and this is terrible for first person POV as it comes across as sociopathic and disturbing.

I am ending this section here because even though we have only covered three pages there was a lot of discussion. I do wonder though why the funeral was included as Beau has shown zero issues with blood just like Bella so surely they could do the ‘Breaking Dawn’ thing and have Beau see Charlie again. I guess Meyer wanted a shocking ending and hoo-boy she is getting that with this mess.

Next time is lots of talking about vampirism and more stupidity. So close to the end!!!


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